It feels like it takes an hour to run five steps, heart beating in your head, holding your breath because
you are too afraid to look but you have too.
Finally, you muster up the words, what happened?
Just to hear, my socks are too small.
This is a combo of scared shitless and I'm going to murder you. LIGHT GREY
One will be a lawyer.
The other will be a doctor.
My son a football player.
Except my lawyer child just asked me how a fax makes it through the wire without a wrinkle in the paper.
My doctor child, literally stopped mid step with a pale face, and asked me to check her pants for her. In a state of confusion I asked why? She thought she may have pushed a little much on that last fart.
My football player is busy inspecting dog poop in the yard, and eating out of the trash can. Now that I have thought about it, he is still on the right path.
But they're happy.
Im now humble. GREY
As I stand exhausted at the coffee pot wishing it would hurry up.
Then I go try again, just for them to hit the snooze button that I must have on my forehead.
Tired. Darker Grey
Then I turn around and he is standing on the tray.
I don't want to move too fast, he may get scared and topple.
I don't want to yell, he may try to bail.
So I smile, and start doing that annoying mommy talk, and grab him!
Then start telling him NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!! and now he's confused and I am sweating like I was on the bomb squad.
Stress of a negotiator. Dark Dark Grey
And as I am instantly mad and ready to kick someones ass for messing with my kid
I come barreling out of the kitchen to say "What?", as if I have been locked up most of my life and ready to shank whoever it is.
Just to find out the girl at school had the same shoes as her, and she needed a tampon.
Thug life: Dark Dark Dark Grey
As I finish the dishes, I think "I deserve a bath after my emotional chaos of a day".
So I quietly tuck all kids in their comfy beds.
Then slowly slip off all my clothes.
Let the bath tub water steam up the bathroom, just hot enough to almost be uncomfortable.
And as I slowly slide down into the tub I exhale, knowing that every part of me hurts and I didn't realize till now.
I hear the bathroom door slowly creep open.
Shhhhh! I tell myself.
Don't move a muscle.
Maybe they will think you're not in here.
Holding my breathe, not making a ripple, sweat streaming down my face.
Is it from the heat of the water? or the thought of one of those little shits needing the last piece of energy I have for the day.
You peak around the corner, and see nothing, thinking "shewww they found their dad and he is handling it"
I wiggle back into full on rest mode
Then it hit me like a frying pan that has been on simmer with the dead carcasses of 20 monkeys flinging their own dung.
I sit up fast and smell my armpits knowing this could not possibly be you.
Then lean over and smell my lap praying it is not that.
It isn't THANK GOD.
I pull back the curtain.
No longer caring if they know my whereabouts.
Obviously their is murderer on the loose, who is stuffing bodies with manure and burying it under my home.
There he is, in all his glory.
Sitting on his mighty white throne.
Smug with what his body has released and blessed the world with.
Then with my last breath, I try to drown myself in 10 inches of water, but there is no cure.
Honey Moon Over: Black